Weekend is here... Only a handful of hours to go!

Apologies to the people who work on the weekend, but weekends are my time to retreat into my own life and my own time. Whether it's spent sleeping in later than normal, or getting up and cleaning (ugh!). One of the beauty guru's I watch on YouTube all the time puts it best when she celebrates "Happy Friday Eve!" with her Thursday videos.

I think my favorite part of weekends is sleeping in with my husband and my doggies (granted when 7:00 am hits, Chief's internal alarm clock seems to go off with a bang). Our little poodle can literally be cuddled like a teddy bear and she loves it (it's the warmth, I think).

My least favorite part would have to be the cleaning. Last weekend I tackled the big task of picking up all the clothes and doing the laundry. Folding it all and getting it to where it needs to be is probably the hardest part of that task (since we don't use scrub boards anymore). My husband worked last weekend, so I don't think he knows that this was a task that took all day! Along with cooking dinner (we won't go there). I had my hands full one of my days off with just stuff that consisited of working around the house.

I'm hoping this weekend will be a little more fun than last weekend. My husband worked most of last weekend and it left me home alone and bored, but well versed as to what is on Netflix currently (even thought I ended up watching a show that I have already seen and watched a marathon of that series). What will you be getting into this weekend? Give me some ideas for something fun!

Don't believe everything you read...

I have been having such a difficult time absorbing the do's and don't's of pregnancy. I know the basics. No drinking or drugs (no brainer there). And anything I intake into my body gets passed onto my baby, so healthy eating is always recommended. (They say good habits start in the womb, I have no idea about that, but I do know that good nutrition helps the baby devolop properly.)

The one I'm having the biggest problem with is not lying flat on my back now that I'm in my second trimester. I know it cuts off the blood supply to my lower bosy now that my uterus is getting heavier, but it seems to be the only way I'm comfortable laying.

Did any of the do's and don't's get you during pregnancy?

*Waves*

I may still write in here occasionally, but Baby Steps is moving and transforming. I will have a a segment of my YouTube Channel dedicated to short vlogs, like the ones I have had on here. (www.youtube.com/user/secondsubmission/) It's been fun having a diary like place to complie my thoughts, but I really want to focus on getting my youtube channel to grow (especially before the baby comes!)

So ta ta, my friends! It's been fun!

That big issue that no one wants to touch...

If you guessed money, you're right. It is the greatest of all evils and yet, it is what makes the world go around. You can never seem to have enough and it is such a hard thing to get your hands on.

Money issues have been getting me down lately. I know that I am so blessed to have job and have support from my husband and parents, but I still catch myself saying things like "I wish I could stay at home and not work today." " I wish I could stay home once the baby comes." I know I shouldn't feel this way at all. In fact, it's probably selfish of me to even just say it on here. But public ridicule aside, it's how I feel.

So until some other solution comes knocking at my door, I pray that I stay healthy enough to keep working and try to be more thankful for the things I do have.

Self Identity

I find myself often wondering who I am. What defines me as a person? Am I just a wife and future mother? Or am a dedicated employee at a company that may not notice at all? Am I defined by my past mistakes or looked as someone that can shape my my future however I wish it could be?

I don't know, honestly. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I hope that I will make a good mother in the future. I am creative when I'm not lazy, which believe me, I'm lazy. But I would do anything for my family.

So who am I really?

Romance is not dead...

We see it on movies and read it in books. You know what I'm talking about, women! It's romance! And we crave it. We want something surreal and almost fairy tale like in our lives. But maybe we have it and we don't realize it.

My husband and I have our fights. Who doesn't? But last night he came home with flowers. He told me loved and wanted me to know how happy he was with me. My heart still melts just thinking about it.

So what I think we, as women, need to do is open our eyes. If we're lacking something in our relationship, maybe we shouldn't expect it to change without us saying something to change it. Believe it or not, not all men were built to show us scenes from Dirty Dancing or The Notebook. Or maybe, just maybe, they're writing their own love story for us.

Fighting for Myself

So today is a big day for me. This may sound silly to everyone, but it's the day where I begin my commitment to myself to keep myself healthy.  Paul has been going to the gym regularly and I've been proud of him for that. Now it's my turn.

My doctor suggested walking 30 minutes a day for 3 or 4 days a week. I think I will do that!  I will not push myself and if I get tired, I will take a break. But for me and my baby, I think I need to do this. I'm hoping it will make me feel better about myself too. I have been having some self image issues.

Happy News...

My hubby got called back for a job today. And I'm breathing a sigh of relief.

I know money isn't everything. That's what "they" say. Well, I'm going to say however these "they" people are, have alot of it and do not have the struggles of dealing without it. Money is a hard thing to get get, yet somehow so easy to lose. And with a baby on the way, my worries about money have only increased.

Hopefully now we can start to dig ourselves out and get started on a good life for both of us and our new little one.

Impatience will get you every time...

Today I have been having a difficult time dealing with my impatience. I have been looking up baby blanket patternes for my upcoming bundle of joy and getting frustrated that many of the yarn choices are generally gender related. I have had a few people telling me to pick something neutral or with all of the baby pastel colors. But since it will be a winter baby, I was thinking about having a different color theme...

Still thinking about it, so I won't announce it or anything, but I think I may do something a little different.

You all know I like different!

What did you pick for your baby theme?

Getting my (very small) coffee break in this morning!

So yesterday I got the joy of playing phone tag with the doctor's office that I go to. They called to tell me I need to do my three hour glucose test as soon as possible (It's usually not a good thing when a doctor seems to be rushing a test). I am very lucky to have an understanding manager and was granted a PTO day Friday to complete this test.

When I scheduled my test, I asked to speak to my doctor's nurse and of course she was not available. I have always been accustomed to looking up my own information on medical issues, but I really do wish doctors would be more forthcoming with the information on my own medical issues and what I need to do to help myself.

I think I'm just having a bad mental day. I feel very down today.

One Hour Glucose Test- What the Doctor Didn't Tell Me

So yesterday I had a test to determine whether I had gestational diabetes. I was told it would take one hour and that was all. Here's what happened and what I wish I would have been told ahead of time...

I got there on time at 8:00am. I then sat there and waited. Around 8:15 I was called into the lab draw area and they drew my fasting blood. It was 138 on an accucheck meter. The phlebotomist then said (very annoyed, I might add) that she wasn't going to be able to do the test because I did not fast. I had. When I spoke up and said so, she did not seem to believe me and went back to talk to her manager. She came back out and said that the cut-off was 140 and they were going to go ahead and do the test. 

I was handed an orange drink in a small bottle (I assume it was an 8 oz. bottle). I tasted like the freezer pops I used to get a child (the orange flavor) that had melted, only more sugary. I was able to get that down in the 10 minutes required by my annoyed phlebotomist and told not to get sick to my stomach or they would have to postpone the test to another day. I was pointed back out to the waiting room.

This was the worst part. Not only do you have to sit there for an hour (better bring something to do!), but if you have a reaction like I did, you feel it start to creep up. I felt my fingertips start to get tingly, but I kept telling myself that it was just because I was already nervous about the test. I had to put my phone down from the game I was playing because I was having trouble focusing on the letters (Ruzzle, gotta' love it).  I then focused my attention to one of the magazines I had with me. I couldn't seem to focus on the articles, but lucky for me it was a photography magazine and the pictures are wonderful. I looked through it as long as I could and just started watching the Today Show when I could not focus anymore. I looked down at my hand and realized that the tingling feeling had led to a complete shaking of my hands.

When the timer in back had finally gone off, they called me back to get another blood draw in. When I stood up, I realized how dizzy I was. I only had my purse and my jacket and still almost toppled over. I told them how I was feeling when I went back. I had a different phlebotomist this time (Thank goodness!). She told me to sit back and try to relax. I did my my best. She draw my next round of blood and ran it through the accucheck before labeling it and sending it to the back. I didn't get to see the final number, but I know it started with a 2 (blood sugars in the 200's are not good, for those of you who don't know).

I still was not feeling well so I was given a pack of cracker and an orange juice and told to sit in the back of the room. They advised me to either call for a ride or be prepared to wait until I felt better to drive.

While I know I am lucky enough to have someone to come get me, I was very upset that I was not warned about the test before I did it.

So if you take this test, there's some things you need to know:
1. It does take a little more than an hour, so bring something to do or even some headphones to relax and listen to music.
2. It can cause reactions like mine. You may feel sick or shaky. If you are, tell someone!
3. Have a backup ride, just in case.
4. You may want to take off from work if it does make you sick. I was exhausted for the rest of the day because of it.
5. Finally, you may feel ill effects for days. Some aversions to certain foods (especially sugary ones). Even an a dull achey feeling in your body. This can happen and I am told by the doctor's office that this is normal.

I hope that this helps someone out there!

1000+

Wow! Firstly, thank you all for reading! My blog has hit over 1000 pageviews so far and that just blows me away.

So I came into work early. Went down my checklist for morning responsiblities, and finished those. Then I started working on the next day's schedule. It's not even 10am and I feel more accomplished today than I have in awhile (even though I did have to fix one oopsie this morning). I'm hoping to be able to keep up with the flow I've got, but we will see.

What keeps you pumping when you're working?

First Attempt

I don't feel like I'm going too well this morning. I'm not feeling well at all. I feel congested and neauseated. I hope this lets up fast because I have things to do! Today I have to go home and bake my cakes for class tomorrow! My final project for my cake decorating class is tomorrow and I have not even picked the design of my cake yet. (I'm such a slacker!)

But my husband and I have been getting a little down lately. Weight is a big issue in our lives (no pun intended). I realize I am going to gain some weight now that I'm pregnant, but I'm not very satidfied with my pre-pregnancy weight and my husband isn't satified with his current weight either. My last doctors appointment also got me concerned about my weight and my eating habits. Cakes aside, we are going to start eating healthier (but I can't promise I will cut out all my desserts!).

What's been weighing on your mind lately?

Amazing day!

Today was an amazing day. My husband and I got to hear the most beautiful sound. It was a our baby's heartbeat. It was beating strong with a great heartrate of 154. My husband was smiling and I couldn't have had a prouder moment.

Dr. Knapp says that I'm to the point in my pregnancy where I can start worrying less. I'm 12 weeks and 3 days today and past what they believe to be the typical period for miscarriages. I breathed a huge sign of relief. She is taking me off of the preventative medications and giving me something to help improve my mood because I have been incredibily emotional lately.

Now my husband and I are going back and forth guessing what the baby is going to be... even though we still have a few weeks (actually about 8!) til we find out what it is. So what are you thinking? Team Blue or Team Pink???

Kool-Aid

I have been having cravings for kool-aid lately. I have always heard that pregnant women crave what they lack in their diet (chocolate can mean they need calcium, meats can mean they need protein, etc.), so I'm wondering when kool-aid became a significant source of anything (my only thought it maybe vitamin C?)! Any ideas, people?

My husband also thinks its too soon for me to be having cravings for anything yet. I have read that he is not entirely correct and also I am on extra hormones, so I think they may inscrease my "later on" symptoms I'm feeling now (Thank you , progesterone!)

What did you crave during your pregnancy or even just during a hormonal time (us women have them, I know!)?

Nightmares

Lately my husband has been having nightmares directly related to an event going on in our lives right now. I'm sure that our nightmares are tied into our emotions and our fears becuase otherwise he wouldn't be having dreams like this. Dreams are always a touchy subject. To some they are very personal, while others write stories and even books on the imagery that comes to them at night.

So (within reason) what was your last dream about and how did it make you feel?

Accountability

To some, this word can mean the world. To a firefighter, it means staying there with your partner and not leaving them in a hot situation without backup. To an EMT, it means never going to onto a scene without someone there with you. Consider it a form of protection. But what really matters is knowing someone is there to speak up for you and not leave you question what should happen next.

We all have our forms of accountability in our life. The promises or agreements we make with people can make or break the accountability we have with them.

So how has your accountability check been lately?

Pure Exhaustion

I swear that if anyone else says I have the "pregnancy glow", I will slap them. But seriously. I have not been sleeping, so the dark circles around my eyes have gotten darker (Thank God for Age Rewind Dark Circle Eraser by Maybelline). I toss and turn in bed. The dogs seem to think that my side of the bed is theirs and have even started growling when I turn over (that will be ending very quickly or they will get kicked out of the bedroom).

I have been making sure to eat some fruit every day and I think that has been helping with the constipation issue, well, for now.

I can seem to curb the nausea by eating as soon as I get up in the morning, but it doesn't always seem to help. Some days are worse than others, but that's always bound to happen.

So what's got you down today?

Emotional Doctor

No, this is not a silly story about a doctor who cries all the time. But I'd like to express the need to understand when you need help emotionally. I have been been struggling with this myself.

I do not like to ask for help. I like to be confident with my skills in holding myself together. But I have been learning, slowly but surely, that handling such problems on my own is not always the best course of action for me.

I have been aware for some time that my emotions have been controlling me. And yes, being pregnant now does not work in my favor any when it comes to my emotions. I love to feel. I love to know every emotion. It's part of being alive. It's a big part of being human.

So I guess what I need is a way to keep my emotions in check. A doctor specially tailored for handling emotions. I don't want to suppress them. I just want to be able to handle them better.

Is that an impossible feat?

We Learn to Love and We Learn to Hate

I am always surprised to hear small children saying "I hate you!" to anyone. Where do they learn it from? Well it's very obvious, if you think about it. Children don't make up words like that on their own. They hear them. From parents, from friends at school, and sometimes even perfect strangers in passing. The difference between children and adults is we have the same choice to use such a word, but definitely the option not to. As an adult we are equipped with the knowledge to stop, breathe, and start again if we get upset.

I have learned in my life that there are some words and actions that you can beg for forgiveness for and never completely recieve the same treatment you had ever again. A breaking of trust can never fully be healed. The simple will tell you all is healed with an apology. But really think back on your last arguement. I bet it comes to you easily (becuase we never really forget). No matter who was right or wrong, you're still feeling the negative effects of that arguement and you will for some time.

So think about that the next time you feel your blood start pumping in your ears. Close your eyes. Breathe. And think before you say anything. Try never to say something you can't ever completely take back.

What do you do to cool off after an arguement?

Crying a River

I had a rough weekend. Between the nausea and constipation from pregnancy (and yes, as embarrassing as it is, I said it), I could not stop crying. I was in pain. My belly felt full and hurt.

Emotionally, it was a bad day for me too. Yesterday would have been Matt's 26th birthday. I think this year was especially sad to me becuase there were so many good things that I feel like I should be sharing with him. I especially feel like I should have been able to tell him about my pregnancy. It's always a sad and tragic ordeal to lose a friend and especially so young because you feel like life is just starting. But I am happy to say, I know he is in heaven. I know he is watching me. And I know he would be proud. Yes, it has been a long time since he passed, but how can you dismiss someone who was your best friend for 15 years? It's like losing a family member.

On a happier note, I made two successful dinners over the weekend that even my husband liked (well, he really liked one of them). We ate some Garlic Herb Roasted Shrimp over angel hair pasta Saturday night. And Sunday night we had some Chicken Cheddar Bacon Ranch over penne pasta (whole wheat). Both were very filling.

So what did you all do this weekend?

Happy Friday!

This is the first time in a long time that I have been able to get excited about Fridays. And it's wonderful! I can finally make weekend plans and have time to spend with Hubby (and finally get to act like newlyweds).

So I think our plans this weekend include another trip to Bays Mountain (weather permiting). Maybe do some baking!  (I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed for this one becuase I'd love to get some practice in before class next week.) But also know that I get so caught up in my expectations for the weekend that I forget about the things that need to be done. These things include putting the clothes away and picking up the table like I said I would weeks ago. It completely lacks the plans that are more priority and filled with the wants instead of the needs.

So what does your weekend list include (or not include, now that you're thinking about it)?

<3

What makes your world turn?

My husband and I have been faced with many goals in our life as of late. I know too many decisions can make your head spin, but I feel like these could be a good thing.

I have been making a conscious effort to continue my photography course (and I'm hoping to have it done by the time the baby is born). I also have been diving into a cake decorating class that is being taught a local craft store. (And hopefully will have some beautiful works of art to show you soon!) I'm also working on a project that I'm hoping could eventually make me a stay at home mom, but we'll see about that one.

I know my husband's desire to be in school has gone down some (so make sure to show him some support!). But I do know that his personal goals are to go ahead and get our hand gun permit completed (we already completed the class together).

So what are your personal goals for yourself?

Sick Days... Are they worth it?

The last two days (Monday and Tuesday), I have been home sick. I was running high grade fevers and it was nothing that the doctors could pinpoint. Which means no answers. No diagnosis. No help.

So what did I do on my days off? Anything exciting? Nope. Not a thing. I laid in bed. I moaned and groaned. So I guess what I'm wondering is if taking off for being sick is an appropriate use of PTO (paid time off). I know everyone's dream of PTO use is to take a vacation while faking sick, but I certainly don't feel like that was the case this time at all. I barely got out of bed at all on Monday. And Tuesday, I only did to go to the doctor's office.

So was it worth it? Or was is needed? How do you use your PTO or sick time?

He is Risen!

Happy Easter everyone! I have been able to enjoy the festivities of this holiday this year. We went to worship this morning and then Sunday School after at the church that we are joining. And of course, no Easter is complete without dinner. My Aunt Linda prepared a wonderful dinner for the family which included not only her, buy Uncle Jim, Laura, Clay, Kaylie, Cathy, Tim, Julie, David, Paul (a.k.a. Hubby), and myself.

I was so touched by a wonderful Easter gift Aunt Linda and Uncle Jim gave Hubby and I. They gave us each a Bible! It was one of the most appropriate Easter gifts I ever got, especially considering I do not have a Bible here in Tennessee with me.

So I hope you all had a wonderful Easter and remembered to put the Lamb before the bunny!

<3

“Why do you look for the living among the dead?  He is not here; he has risen!" ~Luke 24:5-6

Energy of Chief...

So every morning when my alarm goes off for work, my hubby's puppy (who is getting a lot of attention on this blog) wakes up and procedes to paw my face until I get up. He doesn't hurt or even use nails. He just wants to guarentee his exit from our bedroom to the living room to play. And he always wants to play!

I wish I had his energy. I feel like every morning I get up, I'm exhausted. And every afternoon I need a nap just to get by. And every night should come to an early turn-in to bed.  I wish I had Chief's energy. Bouncing out of bed every morning, feeling like that day is going to be filled with an amazing day!

Who do you admire for their energy? Or even for a talent or skill?

Win Some, Lose Some

It's safe to say that last night my emotions got the best of me. I could not stop crying. And yes, I will chalk this one up to hormones. On the plus side, I had an eventful night.

When I got home I was determined to relax and get a nice warm bath. So I filled the tub, threw in a bath fizzer (mmmm, strawberry!) and sank down into my oasis to relax. Or so I thought. My music from my IPod did not drown out the splash that happened right in front of me. Chief, hubby's puppy, had jumped into the tub with me. He did not get the concept of holding his head above water and proceded to breath in water. So not only was my bath ruined, I now had a dog bath to give! So, of course, I get him all scrubbed up.

But it doesn't stop there. Oh, no. So I get out to get him all dried off in a towel. I stoop down to dry in off and he takes off towards the door. My wet feet slip on the floor and I managed to catch my fall. With my  face. I shake off the pain and reach up to feel blood coming from my nose. Who knew it was going to be this dangerous when all I had planned was relaxation?

So how have your plans gone wrong lately???

What's real and what's not???

My husband told me this morning that he thinks many of my pregnany symptoms are all "in my head". And it got me thinking. I really have been sick to my stomach (twice today, in fact). I really have been nauseated. Those are things I cannot deny.

I feel much more tired than I usually am. But on what am I comparing that to? I transferred from nightshift to dayshift and around the same time found out that I was pregnant. So is it my body still adjusting to sleeping change (because I'm certainly not sleeping any better at night) or is my body physically tired from the changes it is going through right now?

I had started reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and while it is very informative, maybe my husband is right. Maybe the symptoms being told to me by the book are the ones I'm feeling because I'm looking to have.

On the other hand, Hubby has been looking for symptoms too. He has asked me "Do you still feel pregnant?" I know it's worry that draws us to feel this way.

But all this being said, what do you think is real when it comes to symptoms? Do you notice them more after you look them up and become more aware of them?

<3

Kick Off

Hubby and I have decided that we should start our own YouTube channel. We will be kicking off a husband and wife cooking channel. So schedule or exact date has been decided yet, but keep an eye out for it. 

In the meantime, check out Cindy's Vlog!!!

<3

What do you believe???

My husband and I have been faced with the challenge this week of choosing religion. I know what I believe. I was raised in a very religous household and I feel that that has properly equipped me with the things I believe today. My husband hasn't been facd with these choices before and watching him grow and want to change (for whatever reason he has in his head), has been a beautiful process to watch.

He told me after church the other day that he is tired of being the way he is. He feels angry and frustrated all of the time and he would like some relief. He believes that finding some religious beliefs will help this process of a change within him. I couldn't agree more. With one exception... I don't believe that it is an instant change. It is a relationship that has to be worked on and built.

We will see how this growth develops (sounds like I'm talking about a disease!). And in the mean time... What do you belive???

Eating Healthy...

So I was astounded to see the scale when I went to my appointment on Wednesday. A whopping 184. Paul made a joke about, "Divorce papers get drawn up at 200." But of course, this tore me up. I have never weighed this much and I know I will only be getting bigger with the baby on the way,but it's not like I ever wanted to weigh this much.

So here's my challenge to myself... I want to start eating healthier. Not only for me, but for my baby. Then I will work hard to get fit once the baby comes. I know it starts now while I'm pregnant (I was thinking walks or something along those lines). But I have been so tired. Making a baby is hard work!

Baby Steps

Tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow I get to see you for the first time. I'm so excited. And scared. I have no doubt that I will love you. No, that's not what I'm worried about.
The worries I have revolve around the fact that I know I will be missing out on part of your childhood. I will have to work. And probably a lot more than I have wanted to work in a long time. Not for lack of trying to find something I could work at home.